Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
