also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
