its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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