It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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