Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
