hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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