I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
