UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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