I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
