Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
