Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
