Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
