Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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