I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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