Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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