oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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