Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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