you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
