So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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