u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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