I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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