Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
