Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
