this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
