Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
