the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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