I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
