we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
how drunk are you?
Several
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
