JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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