Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so let's talk penis.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
