she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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