WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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