Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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