Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're breaking my sexual little heart
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
