Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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