It's Friday. Sex?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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