Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
