Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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