Already got asked if we're dating
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
bring money and cleavage
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
