I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
