I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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