Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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