You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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