Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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