I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
