nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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