Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
