Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
