I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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