My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
