I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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