after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
