Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
