Jerry, you need to find god
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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