why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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