Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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