Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
