it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
