dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
did i walk over a car last night?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
