I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
