I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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