I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Congratulations! We have a period
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
