I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
