They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
