I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
