At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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