Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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