I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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