I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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