My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
