I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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