I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.