I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.