So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.