I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
