made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.