I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."