Will you blow on my dice?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
