as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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