Is it normal to miss your booty call?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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