So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
