Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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