This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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