He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
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ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!