I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And then my night got REAL pukey
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.