I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.