But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
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There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie