Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
