Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Randomize
Follow @tfln