i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This house was built for laser tag.
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I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.